sorry i haven't updated in a while.
i've been having a rough time with what i have diagnosed as
culture shock. i don't know why it has taken me six months to get there, but it has, and
i'm there.
the reality of my life here is that it's really not bad at all. i have a job, friends, even a family i get to be a part of on weekends.
i'm not entirely alone at home since i have
xander. though i can't deny how lonely i feel at home every night by myself. there is a sub-reality, too. that is that even when
i'm with people (which is at least all day 4 days a week) i feel distant. of course there is the ever-present language barrier, but
i'm able to cope with that one for the most part. there is also a cultural barrier that is significant and usually obvious to me. that's stuff like i don't get (most)
hungarian jokes and
hungarians don't get (some of) mine. there is also the homesickness barrier which involves the isolating fact that even the people who know me best in
hungary have only known me for six months. i miss being surrounded by people who know me and my life and my past and my personality already. no offense to my
hungarian peeps, they're doing well to get to know me and let themselves be known, but it's just... different.
[edited out because i want to keep my job]
so while i was home (sick) today i cleaned the kitchen, living room, and bathroom. i think it was the first time in about 3 weeks.
i'm not proud of the state i let the apartment get to, but i don't apologize for it either. when
i'm bummed, it doesn't help me to clean. today i forced myself to do it. i took out three bags of trash (don't get crazy, they are like midget trash can bags), washed every dish and piece of cutlery i could remember using, did the
stovetop, bathtub, vacuumed, and did 3 out of 4 loads of laundry. and i listened to my
iPod all the while, singing with all my heart as i revamped my apartment life.
oh, when i took the trash out i saw a black person on the other side of the street. i stared a little.
i was supposed to have a private lesson with some sweet girls this afternoon, but as i got ready to leave to meet them i looked at my phone and saw i had received a text from one of them which cancelled the lesson. i was happily surprised and even a little glad that something had tricked me into getting dressed for the day.
prayers are certainly welcome for my state of mind. i can't wait to think the differences between
american and
hungary are funny again. right now i just find them irritating.
when i googled "culture shock" and read a few articles, it suggests getting back in touch with my
american-
ness. watching movies or t.v. from
america, eating
american foods (which i miss much more now than i have since
i've been here), talking to friends and family, hanging out with other ex-pats from USA (there aren't too many around these parts) should all do me a world of good. oh, i should also get involved in some regular activity and maintain my language learning. i should go to the same shops all the time and become a regular somewhere. i should say hi to my neighbors.
things
i'm supposed to avoid isolating myself, figuring out ways to go home, talking/thinking negatively about
hungary/
hungarians, and trying to deny that
i'm having culture shock.
some sights that have been helping me out by making me laugh are:
passiveaggressivenotes.comcakewrecks.blogspot.comfailblog.orgpostcardsfromyomomma.compostsecret.com